You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
