my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
