it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
