Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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