Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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