I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
