That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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