Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
