**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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