don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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