I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
