I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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