he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
