Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
