was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
