Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
