I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Text me some of your sweat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
