omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
