why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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