I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
