I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
