I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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