Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
