Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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