The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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