Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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