haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
