I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
