I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
