Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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