i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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