I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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