If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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