Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
