Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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