so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
