I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
