maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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