I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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