No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize