Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
