you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
