Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize