I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
