Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
