I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want her autograph on my taint
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
