I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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