i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
