And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
