just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
