dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
