my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
