Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize