I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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