Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
