yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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