I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
