At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize