can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
