...so i touched it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
