I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
