when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
