And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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