I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
