I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize