Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
