A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i came on her dog
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
