Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize