Got a toothbrush?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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