I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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