The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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