i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She bit a glass in half.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
