my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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