You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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