Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
