omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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